wow.. tonight.. is.. a very depressing night............. crying my freaking eyes out right now -sigh- . found somethin out that i really didnt like hearing from someone i really care about. its not what you think.. nothin like bein turned down or anything.. somethin a bit more serious..but im gonna keep it between me and that person. anyways listening to this song isnt exactly stoppin the tears. have you heard "without you" by harry nilsson? .. wheww.. very depressing song.. especially if you've seen rules of attraction.. the part where this girl committs suicide.. she runs a bath, lights candles, and sits there crying, then slits her wrist.. all while she's listening to that song.. i cried on that part..i mean..thats a very slow and sad way to die... just sitting there..waiting for all your blood to drain out of your body....... thinkin about what i was just told and that part in the movie is tearing me up over here.... -sniffles- im gonna write the lyrics.... .. no.. just download the song.........................my god this is a powerful song.. for me anyways.. you'd just hafta be in the situation im in.. and have seen that movie................................... check ya later

"feelings non existent. loss of a tortured soul. so cold and fearful. unnoticed and unclaimed. left as one alone. on this endless road. to bear on for lifetime. of loneliness. she sits alone, and slowly fades away into nothingness...and as she struggles on. her mind begins to wander. thoughts of endless bliss. the wind her only friend... never again to be cared for. she holds her head up high. just a mask to hide the tears behind. only wanting to die...as they sit by and watch. another dead existance. dreams torn apart. as the spirit dies. hiding behind the lies. and silent darkness"
Poison The Well - Torn

ok...i've already screamed my head off.. now i just gotta let everything out on here.. first thing.. me and myyyy friend (i guess) brice just had a fall out... he says i brought it out on myself.. maybe i did. but he did take a lot of built up anger out on me when it had nothing to do with me...oh well..im just havin a shitty day. another thing .. inches from life went to college station last night for a show.. my friend krystal said she asked her mom, but she said it was too far away..and i said i probably wouldn't be able to go... then i was calling her last night to do something... the phone was busy from when i got home until i finally gave up on calling. so i called her today and asked if her brother was online all night or what. and she was all " i went to the show" .. and i was just like... "...what.." and she was all "i told you i was going" and i was like " you said your mom said it was too far away" .. and she was all .. i cant remember what else was said except for her sayin "i thought you said your mom wasnt goin to let you" and i was like "yeah cause you werent" then i was tryin not to be hurt and mad but.. yeah.. so i just told her i was gonna go watch tv..but i know she didnt purposely leave me out.. at least thats what i hope.. no, i know she didnt.. but im a stubborn loser.. so its gonna take awhile till i cool off....-sighhhhhhhhhh- .. yeah . im listening to dashboard.. not exactly helpin.. but it makes me think of william :)...bleh..GOD COULD ANYTHING ELSE GO WRONG TODAY.. i stubbed my toe just now.. then .. nevermind im gonna go.. bye

i fuckin hate my life.. i really do. i hate the way i look.. i hate how i deal with things.. and i just .. hate my life.. the only thing that honestly makes it a smidge bit better is william. i mean.... he's amazing.. but he doesn't live here :( . he really seems to.. i dont know..i dont want him to read this and think im stupid or something.. but he really seems to care about me, and think im this great and beautiful person. but... thats just not enough for me to have someone love what i hate... ughh i wish it was enough for me tho. maybe its not enough because i dont have him here to tell me these things to my face...i dont know.. all i know is.. i wish i was someone other than me... .............................. i have emotional problems...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap... me and krystal went runnin last night...ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck im sore! goin down the stairs today was a bitch.. it was horrible. anywho.. valentines day, huh? personally i hate this day. well, thats not true..if i had a boyfriend, i'd probably love it..but i dont..so i hate it! my mom gave me a box of chocolates..yumm yumm. gonna hafta run that off tonight.. then my friend james remembered from last year that i liked only red and clear gummi bears.. so he gave me red and clear gummi bears today..hehe.. then.. the most surprizing thing.. mike (ex friend) actually gave me a rose..i could of sworn he hated my guts.. but i guess not. but yeah! the folks are goin out tonight and they're actually gonna stay the night at the holiday inn.. dont really care what they're gonna do...rather not think about that.. but all i know is, me and my brother have the house to ourselves tonight!! woop woop! if only william were here -wink wink, nudge nudge-.. oh yall have dirty minds! i was thinkin we'd be chillin on the couch, watchin movies and cuddling. geez... but yeah.. krystals gonna stay the night, and we're gonna dwell on the fact that we dont have boyfriends, and throw our lives away on a 6 pack of yoohoos.. sounds like a jam packed night to me! woo! okay im gonna go now.. check ya later

WILLIAM ROCKS MY WORLD!!!

today in economics we played some sort of jeopardy game to review for our test tomorrow (eep! i need to study). but anywayz.. he had some goof off questions and one was to name the band that sings "i want you to want me" which is cheap trick.. and the girl behind me didnt know and i was just like "ahhhh!" cuz i knew it.. but it wasnt my turn..so he went over to the other side and this girl answered with The Clash.. and she really thought she was right.. she had this smug look on her face and everything... LMAO! woo! and the teacher was just "uh.. no" .. "does anyone know who the band is?" and i was all "...cheap trick" but i had said it really quiet.. but he heard me.. and he was all "YES she knows it!" "it is cheap trick" and i was just all sittin there drawing on my binder.. and the whole class was just lookin at me like -how the hell did the quiet loser girl know that-.. but yeah.. I KNOW MORE THAN THE KIDS IN MY CLASS DO ABOUT MUSIC!!! I AM, THE MUSIC QUEEN! okay so yeah..i almost ran into a parked car today on the way home..butttttttt lets not get into that...im gonna go now.. check ya later

-swaying back and forth- "i see the questions in your eyes, i know whats weighing on your mind, you can be sure, i know, my part..cuz i, stand beside you through the years, you'll only cry those happy tears, and though i make mistakes, i'll never break your heart....and i swear..by the moon and the stars in the skies, i'll be there. i swear, like a shadow thats by your side...i'll be there.... for better or worse, till death do us part, i'll love you with every beat of my heart.. iiii sweaaarrr.. ohhooohhhh" .. man i love that song. okay so.. damnit.. i forgot what i was gonna say..shhoot. well this weekend once again has been so F'N boring.. i need a job or something..badly. i was watching "I love the 80's" .. haha.. that show or whatever it is, is soooo addicting. they were reminiscing on "Pretty in Pink" .. what confuses the hell outta me about that movie..is whyyyyyyyy did she go for.. ... .. uh.. the rich guy.. ducky was soo freakin sexy..shoot i woulda went for ducky.. if he was my best friend i dont think id be able to control my urges.. id do him right there in the lobby at prom.. mm.. geez.. ducky.. yummm. have you noticed that its always the pretty, rich, popular guys always get the girl in the movies..when the girls best guy friend is cleearrrrllyyy the sexy one.. even tho they always TRY to make him look all geeky and un-popular..never works..im always diggin the geeky guy..they even do it with punk or hardcore guys in movies.. the girls never want anything to do with those kind of guys.. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?!!? idk, but id go for the geeky/punk/hardcore guys if i was in a movie.. id make them change the script to where i got to make out with the anti-prep guy...lol of course that would only happen to me in a movie tho.. i dont have much luck with the geeky/punk/hardcore guys in real life.... bleh.. ohhh wellll... so yeah im gonna go now.. check ya later

wow.. tonight has been a very nice night.. firrrrrrrrrrrrrst my friend william told me the sweetest thing.. about..well, im just gonna keep that between me and him..it made me cry it was so sweet.. -sigh- i heart him :) .. then my old friend cody.. we talk every now and then.. he told me.. lol man this is mind blowing.. well i was askin him how things were goin with him and allison (his girlfriend) and he was telling me how happy he was and all that jazz..then he asked if i was dating anyone..and of course i said no.. then he was all "why not?" "you're a very pretty chic" .. and i was all "cuzzzzz nooo onnnee wants to date me?" and he was all "no, im serious..im not trying to be all nice and stuff.. i actually considered asking you out last year" "you're a very pretty chic lis" and of course i was all "what?!?" "lol, thats crazy" i mean he's pretty popular, and .. very hot.. but anyways..and he was all "what is?" and i was all "that you were considering asking me out, and that you think im pretty" and he goes "well you are, it really surprises me that you're single, you could get so many guys"... lol i dont know.. but that was just a shocking conversation for me.. i never thought .. i dont wanna sound stupid..cuz i mean he's my friend and all.. but i never thought someone like him would ever think i was pretty or anything like that.... same with william.. lol he's the most gorgeous guy ever.. and gorgeous is good thing.. im not using it in a feminine way..guys can be gorgeous too, ya know. .. but yeah.. he is so yummy and my type and all that..and he actually likes me back and all that jazz... woooo okay..im gonna go now.. check ya later